if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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