I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
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