just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
he high fived his dick after we had sex
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
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