it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
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