She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
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