Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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