Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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