I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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