Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
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