I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
Randomize
