they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
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