Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
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