i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You pole danced in your parka.
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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