I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
Randomize