My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
Randomize
