I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
Randomize
