Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
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