he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
Randomize
