My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Randomize
