there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
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