I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
MIDGETS
????
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
Randomize
