Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
Randomize
