He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
