dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
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