Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
Randomize
