It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
mondays should just be called national damage control day
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
Randomize
