How do i ask the guy i made out with for 4 hours if he is gay? He keeps telling me i'm so adorable and that he had a ''blasty''
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
Randomize
