she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
Randomize
