i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
Randomize
