i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
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I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
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I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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