I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
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