I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
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