Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
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