I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
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