whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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