I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
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