Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
Randomize
