Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Randomize
