he shaved USA in his pubs
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Randomize
