I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
