I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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