I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Randomize
