grandma shit on top of the toilet
home. puking in laundry basket.
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
