Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
Randomize
