508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
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