with your own penis?
The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
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