Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Randomize
