oh god the rape fog is back!
can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
