You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
Randomize
