I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
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