You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
