she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
Randomize
