If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Randomize
