If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
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