I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
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