yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Randomize
