I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
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