If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
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