we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
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