he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
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