I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
you made out with another girl for some wings
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
Randomize
