so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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