Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
I just gift wrapped bread.
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
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