Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
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