Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Randomize
