Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
Randomize
