so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
