My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
Randomize
