just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
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