I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
Randomize
