guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Randomize
