can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
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