Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
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