i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
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