Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
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