Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
