i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
