I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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