i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
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