I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
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