why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
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